When we met for dinner last week, Christine Hallquist shared that she was thinking about running, however, she had to discuss the potential decision with her board, so we were not letting the "rumor leak." She asked me if she thought it was a good idea. I shared some of my concerns and threw her some challenges she would undoubtedly face if/when she is interviewed on the idea. "I always really appreciate your counsel," she told me. "You were definitely the person to talk to about this."
Last night, articles lit up my Facebook feed as I went to shut down my computer, at the end of the workday:
- "Walters: Hallquist Readies Democratic Run for Governor of Vermont" ~ Seven Days
- "Hallquist considering run for governor" ~ WCAX
- Utility Executive Pondering Democratic Bid To Unseat Phil Scott ~ Vermont Public Radio
I realized the discussion was mis-presented to me as something under consideration. She's connected with her board on Monday, and had quite a few PR plans waiting in the wings ready to launch if/when she received the green light.
I called out sick today. I couldn't go into work in the most politically active district of Vermont and face strangers approaching me and asking me about it. Not yet.
I can't help feeling like I was just here. It feels like only yesterday we were buckling up for Christine's "coming out as a CEO" headlines: Seven Days cover feature, WCAX feature-long piece, my brother's Documentary Film release: Denial. This was all on top of navigating the transition itself as a family - Christine had only "publicly" come out to our family a few years before. And again, the PR and "publicity campaign" for her transitioning into Christine at work was all developed and finalized without input or discussion with her family. She was used to suffering alone, and couldn't see the possibility/reality that her family was waiting in the wings to provide support, however, with their own needs and pacing (something revealed after a handful of family sessions).
While I hid with my head in the sand today (or in my "blanket castle" with my snuggly puppy, Murphy), I started to recall my first meeting with Dolly, back in September. At the meeting, I had shared with her the need to "rekindle my light" - my deep, true belief that I have unique leadership to bring to my community and a desire to find a way to do this.
I lived overseas in the Marshall Islands for two years, which was truly transformative for me; I know I can credit an exponential cultural competence development to that experience and continue to think back to it and reshape the experiences and lessons, expanding further on its educational value as I move along in my graduate studies.
After moving through a transition with my family and parent: reading, researching, and spending hours upon hours in invaluable individual and family counseling sessions, my personal self-awareness and communication skills are far more developed than I believe they would have been with merely working through my courses and workplace environments. I've built a toolkit for navigating some of the most difficult conversations with some truly challenging and complex history and trauma peppered throughout.
So many of the tools I developed in personal and family counseling are applying to workplace relationships. I often advocate for counseling in monthly department meetings and share with my colleagues how we now spend more time with people at work than we do with our own families - why wouldn't we seek counseling to navigate the terrain?
Of course, all of my skills and the toolkit development are all still very much [and always will be] a work in progress. I have had established personal counseling sessions scheduled every other week since Christine came out to our family. I bumped up to once a week this January, in light of some difficult family news, a serious on-set of seasonal affective disorder, and then the governor race news as icing on the cake. The challenges and experiences in my life were looked at in depth, picked apart, re-formed; I try my darndest to apply a concept of transformative resilience - taking the trials and tribulations to form a better self.
There is a tiny voice in the back of my head pushing me to not share this in writing - that it is riddled with weakness and character failings. However, as I've become more and more transparent about my self work and struggles with my colleagues, I only receive positive messages and gratitude. People always assume they are in their struggles alone, and I've learned/observed that sharing my own vulnerabilities helps others to do the same, to breath a little easier, and to begin to empower themselves.
I was recently reading my Dartmouth Alumni magazine, and they had a feature piece on a summer visiting professor, Cornel West. Dr. West, they wrote, ties everything back to W.E.B. "Du Bois and the concept of paideia, the. ancient Greek ideal of self-cultivation for the sake of a better society" (Hertog, Nov-Dec 2017). My pursuit of my Masters in Educational Leadership, on an organizational leadership track, my continued engagement in personal counseling, the authentic and deep conversations I seek out with my colleagues, all are instrumental in what I have discovered is my true goal in leadership development - to always work to improve myself toward improving the community around me. It parallels the teachings of servant leadership; if I live to better myself for a better society, I truly believe others will follow...
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